Mantis Style!

BONUS POST!!!

Why? Because it's my day off, and I have too much free time. Also, I feel that the last post was lacking in the hypertext department, and I wanted to make up for that. So, let's boogy!

My sentiments exactly. Much thanks to Phil for pointing me towards this humorous commentary. And if you're watching this and saying to yourself "this is a gross exaggeration of the situation", ask yourself, is it really? I would say that this hits the nail right on the head.

Also, what the hell? If this IS for real, then my only suggestions would be to a) make sure that this game is as accesible to the masses as the first FF7, and b) find a different way to name your continuity-based sequels. You're going from Final Fantasy 12, to Final Fantasy 10-2, and now to Final Fantasy 7-2? All of this backtracking just makes it sound like you're admitting to some huge fault of yours.

Work last night sucked. Due to the bumbling idiocy of the security guard that works weekdays at the site, we are now no longer priveleged to the weight room. We are also being held in very low regard conerning the ability to do our jobs, which is hardly fair. Concerning my coworkers behaiviour, I am assured by my supervisor that "she's got great tits". Lovely. I want you to stop talking now.

posted by Tay @ 6:42 AM

Hey hey! Remember that time that I took my new car into hyperspace, and then proceeded to blow up the death star? I do. Man, that shot was one in a million... But for real, I just posted this picture to show off my new car. In reality, flying a car in deep space for laser-gun combat is not a good idea. Han was right, it really isn't much like dusting crops.

Today's post is a bit long, so stick with me here.

What in hell is wrong with you people? Not you, but those other people. I'm talking about you slobs out there who think that just because we I am talking to you, you can bring up whatever inappropriate subject that you want. Yes, we do work together, so maybe there is some kind of unspoken link there. However, I really don't want to hear about your lurid opinions of every female employee in the company. Maybe this would be fine if we were like, watching wrestling and drinking beer with no shirts on or something. But I am wearing a freekin' tie here! Show some respect!

Another thing that has come to piss me off is television. It used to be that I jsut didn't like it, but now I hate it through and through. There exists no programming that does not pander itself to the lowest common denominator. It used to be that I added to the problem by indulging in some of this garbage myself. I will admit that it can be kinda funny to watch people getting hurt a lot. But no more, I say! I will no longer allow myself to be subjected to this debasing crap, targeted towrds obese mindless mouth-breathers. Of course, it's all well and good to throw stones at reality programming and the such, but I also have a problem with the programming that is Emmy award winning too.

Case in point: Sex and the City. I have watched a couple of episodes now, and I can honestly say that this has to be the biggest pile of crap that television has to offer. I uncovered the truth myself when I interviewed the Crusty Old White Guy Emmy Panel. Check it out!

Tay: So, you have awarded Sex and the City with several of you arbitrary awards?
COWGEPL: Yes, that's correct.
Tay: Because it's a show about horny women, right?
COWGEP: Yes, that's correct.

See? I tell ya, if I were making a TV show, it would be WAY better than the insipid writing and nude scenes in THAT show. But instead of making a TV show, I will instead create a series of Public Service Announcements for the kids, telling them to turn off that damn stupid idiot box, and get your lazy ass jogging! Yes, the camcorder that my dad is planning to purchase will pay for itself in no time.

Right now, I am engrossed in Final Fantasy Tactics Advance. It's good, but don't ask me why. Its an RPG, which by definition would ellicit my scorn. Perhaps it is becasue this game is more tactical than other RPGs, more in the same line as Advance Wars, and such. No matter, I am in the middle of constructing an unstoppable team of ninja!

Webcomic Corner
Clear your schedule, because this one may take a while. Bobbins has an archive of thousands, and took me a few days to cycle through. It is a dead comic, as the creator has moved on to another project, which I will feature in time. It's by John Allison, who may very well be the funniest British guy I know. For a lighter read that's more pleasing on the eyes, just start reading from 2001 and on. The characters page can get you pretty much up to speed.

posted by Tay @ 8:27 PM

Okay, I've just about had it with all of these Macs that are at my place of work. These are machines that fail my simple test of usablitly. Does YOUR computer hold up? Answer each qestion in your head, and tally up the points at the end for an arbitrary ranking. Here we go!

Question #1: Can I find the Goddam 'on' switch? If the answer is no, then I can only assume that you are using a Mac of some kind, which all LOOK nice, but lack the design that would allow it to use electricity. That is a definite design flaw.

Question #2: The most basic of text-functions- do they exist? I will give a dollar to the first person who will explain to me how to copy-paste text on this stupid machine. You have no idea what a pain in the ass it is to do hypertexting on this piece of garbage.

Question #3: Where the hell did the other button on my mouse go? Seriously, how can I efficiently navigate through the digital wharehouses of pornography on my internet with only one button? It simply makes for an all too labour intensive experience.

Now, using these questions as a guideline, one would be able to design a very user-friendly personal computer, with readily available power buttons, simple functions, and feature-filled peripherals. As a matter of fact, I've got just such a machine waiting at home for me!

On a more postive tip, my buddy Ryan is doing really cool things. For starters, he's designed a new layout for this very site! This is an awesome development as far as I'm concerned. You should see some of the stuff that this kid does in PhotoShop though, it's a shame that I can't think of a wod better than amzing. Once his new site, One-Hit Combo, is up and running, I will be sending all my traffic through to gaze upon it's glory. Ryan is also procuring tickets for us to go check out a couple of movies in the Film Festival. I forget when they are playing, but it's of no consequence really. The only downside is that I won't be able to check out "Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance", which was a really cool sounding Korean movie. Kim Jong-Ill both directs and stars as Mr. Vengeance, and every Korean film reviewer gave it 5 stars. I am forced to be here during it's showime, so I will be unable to get my revengeancefulness on.

Webcomic Corner
I am pleased to present you today with the tag team comedy stylings of Boy on a Stick and Slither. If only the political cartoons in the newspapers were this funny and poignant, then I wuldn't have to use them as a comparison to other really crappy things, like regular newspaper comics. They just aren't funny anymore, man. Luckily, we have BOASAS to come to our rescue! Check them out, read the archives, and laugh yourself silly. It's worth the time.

Coming up tomorrow, we have Final Fantasy Tactics, Bobbins, and more obscure pop-culture references. Don't miss it!

posted by Tay @ 12:24 AM

As you can see, I am not in the greatest of spirits. I have recently returned from my General Studies class, which is quickly becoming the bane of my existance. The course itself has revealed itself to be another incarnation of the accursed 'Intro to Philosophy', except that in this version, the professor only THINKS that she is witty, when in fact all she is doing is making annoying sounds and talking with her hands too much. And this is but one of the people in the class that gets on my nerves! There exists a myriad of individuals who just can't seem to shut their shout holes upon stepping into the room. Of course they are all uninformed on the subjects that we are trying to discuss, but that won't stop them from giving their qualified opinion as rat-soup eating, fuck-mook honkeys. God, but would I love to slap them all. If you look at my notes for the class, it's just 3 pages of "shut up shut up shut up..." Sometimes I throw in little thoughts that pop into my head as well, like "what in hell is ugly-old-guy thinking?" just for good measure. But for the most part, Wednesdays are no longer my friend.

I am taking a web site design tutorial tomorrow! Don't get your hopes too high up, but this might mean cool little additions to the site.

Ryan is talking me into going to the Calgary International Film Festival, and I will admit that some of the films he is suggesting look like a blast. You'll just have to check some of them out for yourself, I guess. There's no way in hell that you could see even HALF of the films playing during the time that the festival is taking place, so I suppose that you're best bet is to flip through the selections, pick which ones sound kinda cool, and just hope that they don't suck. That's what we're doing, at least.

Concerning the new nifty feature of lookin' at pictures and such, I will only host the pictures for one weeks length, at which point they will be taken down. This makes it important to check the site regularly, otherwise you might miss out on something funny! As for today though, I have resigned myself to being a cam whore.

(edit: my parents have just found out that I have a website, so from now on all references to rat-soup eating fuck-mook honkeys will simply be acronymed into RSEFMH)

Webcomic Corner
Todays webcomic is Blue Zombie, one of Keenspace's more popular serial comics. I couldn't tell you why that is myself though, because as of late the story has become so twisted and contorted, that it competes with Megatokyo for the "Quickest Fall From Grace Award". As for the award itself, it would probably just be a keychain, or something equally crappy. Getting back to the comic at hand though, Blue Zombie is the story of a zombie (surprise!), so naturally I hate the comic based on the source material at the get go. You might want to check out their earlier archived stuff, as it isn't really that bad. Come to think of it, Blue Zombie and Megatokyo are also in competition for the "God I Wish I Was A Real Manga Award" too.

posted by Tay @ 11:05 PM

I am still sick. This blows. It's not as if I haven't been trying to get better, but it would seem that this illness is stubborn in taking it's time. I've been drinking the herbal teas, eating all the medication. I've even tried using laughter as the best medicine. And let me tell you, I laughed at those PSA things so hard I nearly wet myself. The "Body Massage" one is my favorite.

Also, in my perusing of the internet, I've come to find that my hero, Bruce Cambell, is starring in a new project! It's called Bubba Ho-Tep, and let me tell you that the concept is far stranger than the name. Get this: Back in his hey-day, Elvis (Bruce Cambell) switches roles with an impersonator, and ends up in an old folks home, alongside the real JFK (Ossie Davis), whose skin has been dyed black as part of a government conspiracy. None of this matters though, when an ancient Egyptian evil begins to terrorize the occupants of the rest home. Bound to their walkers and wheelchairs respectivley, the king of rock and one of the most beloved presidents of our time set forth to kick some undead ass! Check out the trailer and join me in anticipation. Not only does this film feature Bruce Cambell pitted against the evil undead, but apperantly it's winning awards at every film festival it's being played in. It will nt be featured in the upcoming Calgary Film Festival, which comes as a crushing blow, so I don't know if i'll even bother attending now. I really only wanted to see that movie by that guy who did that other movie, so I'll likely just wait for it on video.

Webcomic Corner
Todays webcomic is Angst Technology. It's never really too funny, and the reused panels in several hundred of the strips gets pretty annoying, so I have to wonder why on earth I still read it. "Because I'm addicted to these damn things" shouts the voice in my head. Oh well.

Well, I'm getting down to the bottom of my Green-Tea Coke, so I'll part with this one piece of advice. If you're going to be a serial killer, at least be a serial killer with a cool nickname. Stop all the downloading!

posted by Tay @ 12:23 AM

Ugh, I am very sick, so this will be a fairly short post, mainly detailing the events of today. I woke up, sick, and made the largest batch of Ninpo Burgers ever, for a barbeque being held in Marta's honour. She's 20 now, so we decided to have a little fun. The mission before me was a kidnapping, a mission that I readily agreed to. Tracy lured her down a hallway while we were stalking her, and when the time was right, I sprung and bound her, blindfolding her as well. It was pretty cool, as I'm pretty sure that if people didn't call me by name, she would have no clue it was me who did it.

After those shenanigans, we went over to Tracy's house for the barbeque. For me, it could not have gone better. My Ninpo Burgers were an unsurprisingly huge success, and I am happy to say that the veil of obscurity is being quickly lifted on my greatest invention ever. The only problem was when some ignorant frenchman came up and tried to have one of my burgers, not with chile and sour cream as is recquired, but with ketchup, relish, and mustard! Philistine! I tired to argue with him about it, but he kept talkin' some crazy moon-man language.

Now I am at work, shivering my ass off, and fighting to stay awake. It really blows. The only comforst is that I will be able to sleep in for 12 hours after my shift, hopefully to better health conditions. But you can find that out for yourself tomorrow night, as I'll be sre to update here.

Webcomic Corner
Ah, is there any comic on the web that is as delightfully funny as Achewood? I dare say not. The trials and tribulations of anthropomorphic housecats with issues, combined with the smart writing of Chris Onstad makes for regular hilarity 5 times a week. Truly one of my favorite comics! Check it out!

posted by Tay @ 12:20 AM

Concerning the regular posting schedule, I have on revision to make; more like a clarification. On Wednesdays, when I update, it will be in the evening, so you are better off to check on Thursdays. With that out of the way, let's get on to the business at hand.

School is now pretty much in full swing, which makes for mandatory learning. I don't much care for it, but I think that at the very least I have some interesting couses this year. My General Studies course will likely be the best, even though it is at some ungodly time in the evening. It just seems a lot more fun than all of my other courses, as it does not require me to read a textbook, and then regurgitate exactly what I've learned. It smacks of hippy tendencies, but in a way that I find enjoyable, so whatever.

Talking with Weird Lucy at the couches this afternoon, it seems that she and Laura are interested in ninjutsu. I had no idea previous to this chat, but apperantly they are quite adament about this. I think that's very cool. They should definitly come to see a class, or at the very least check out the website. Come to think of it, I really should put that link on the side bar.

I have a lot of cool ideas. My latest cool idea is that of opening a resteraunt. I would serve Ninpo Burgers and their variations, as well as my Green Tea Cola. What I need to come up with is a viable side dish. I am toying with the idea of kimchi, which I think is Korea's answer to coleslaw, or perhaps some kind of deep-fried rice chips, along the lines of the crust used in the delicious sushi pizza served at Sushi Kawa. It's the greatest resteraunt that I will never be able to afford to go to again. I also don't know what to call the resteraunt. I would call it "Ninja Burger", except that the term has been copyrighted by a now defunct web comic on the internet.

Speaking of webcomics, I will now begin a regular feature that I hope everyone will enjoy. I will call it "Webcomic Corner", and in it I shall share with you a link to one of the hundreds of webcomics that I frequent, as well as my thoughts and such on the link. Anybody who knows me knows that I am addicted to webcomics. A great amount of the time that I spend on the internet is devoted to reading the ones that I have deemed worthy, as well as searching for more to add to the list. So, let's give this a shot. I think that I will make this easier on myself, and do this in alphabetic order.

Webcomic Corner
We will begin this regular feature with a comic called 10K Commotion. The reason that I keep up to speed with this comic is soley based on my appreciation for the artwork. Were it not for the delicious drawings within, I would trash it immediatly. Why? The strory is garbage. I mean, just read it. It's about DDR for gods sake. How interesting is that? Regardless, for some really cool drawings, check out the calendar of extras, within which you will find some pretty cool stuff. I like the Matrix sketches best.

So there you have it! A new feature, which you can expect to see in every new post, from now until I run out of readable comics, a process which I suspect will take a few months. Right now, I have that "Burly Brawl" song from the Matrix stuck in my head, so I've got a hankering to beat up 300 guys at the same time. I'll see ya later.

P.S. It's snowing in this goddam city. Matt, is it snowing in Toronto? I hate snow. Some people get seasonal depression, but I get seasonal aggression. This white cold stuff just pisses me off...

posted by Tay @ 3:03 PM

So here's what I'm proposing: regular updates for Saturdays, Sundays, and Wednesdays. This will make sure that nobody gets bored of checking back everyday, only to find that the damn site STILL hasn't been updated.

So, my parents finally got wise to my tattooing ways. I always knew that they would, and their method of discovery was exactly as I'd expected, but their reaction was not. Rather than yelling, and cursing, and disapointment in me, they just seemed mildly amused. It was almost as if they didn't even care. This scores them major cool points in my book, as most all other parents that I have met would make sure to put me in a world of hurt. I don't know what their reasoning is for their reactions, but whatever they are, I am thankful for it. Lord knows that it will be forever until I have enough throwaway cash to get the thing updated, as I envision my tattoo as being a lifelong work in progress.

If you'll look back a few posts to where I detailed a gigantic list of things to do, you'll notice that I have plans to try a sort of Green Tea/Coke infusion. Well, I'm sipping on one right now, and much to my own surprise, there isn't really anything that sucks about it. It's actually kind of good. To be fair, I don't think that the tea bag released as much of it's flavours in the cold carbonated coke as it tends to do in boiling water. Of course, when I try to find ways to properly infuse the flavour of the tea into the cola, THIS is what I get. Weird thermo dynamic stuff, if I'm not mistaken. Phil, if you see this, be sure to let me know your thoughts on the subject. I gonna get back to work now, which primarly involves me trying to watch the big-ass flat scree TV these guys have set up in the conference room.

posted by Tay @ 10:57 PM

Wow, I can't belive how long it's been since I've updated here... To long, to say the least. Of course, with that much downtime, there is that much more that I have to tell you about. I will make a bold attempt to go through it all in as chronological of an order that I can muster.

First of all, Blackalicious. They were playing at Tequila nightclub, a place that I had never preiously attended, nor one that I plan to now. It was unventilated, overcrowded, and expensive as far as drinks go. having said that, it was the greatest show that I have ever been to. This crew is as good live as they are recorded, and bring a really great energy to the stage. The miraculous stylings provided by The Gift of Gab are no studio trickery, and he actually can rap for as long as he does on his albums without breathing. No sign of any Kevin Costner-style gills, so it must be that he is some sort of robot, the kind that can bust out in a freestyle at mach speeds. These are the kind of robots that we need more of.

Yoga sucks. It sucks a lot. In my first week of school, I found myself with an abundance of free time, so I went to the gym to see what was up. There was a free yoga class being taught, so I figured "why the hell not? I am always making fun of yoga sissies, so let's see if I'm justified in it." The deal is this: I AM justified in making fun of them, because these are the greenest, most tree hugginest, sun worshipping hippies that I have ever encountered. They also have what I would consider a very poor system for bending and stretching. I think of myself as a pretty flexible fella. But what these people do is completely butcher certain muscle groups, while complely ignoring others, in some vain attempt to kill all of the weak hippies, unfit to fight for their cause (namely, ending the cafeteria's "Whale Meat Wednesday's"). it has been 5 days since that incedent, and my legs are still in pain. Stupid hippies.

I am getting a car. Come this Friday or so, I will be the proud owner of the greatest steal this side of teh tracks. This also means that I must live like a dirtbag for the rest of my university career. Insurance companies promise me no less than a fatal raping when it comes to my rates, so that means no more spending much buxx like it's going out of style. No more going to the movies to cheer on Neo, no more sushi nights, no more fun in general. This situation does present a positive side however, as it will allow me to focus on the things that I have been completely ignoring as of late. I am now becoming a more scheduled, organized person.

My school schedule suxx much as well, and this ties into the concept. Every Monday and Wednesday, I am left with more than 3-6 hours in between my classes. Normally this would be a crippling blow, but I am determined to make the best of it. I now have a schedule that allows me to work out every day, sometimes twice a day, as well as getting a homework schedule that wil keep me from leaving all projects until the very last night, forcing me to pull week-long all nighters, or all-weekers if you will.

It would seem that I am in some insane bid to get into shape for my new years resolution. It's definitely crunch time now, and I guess that it's better late than never. So, on Mondays, I am working out solo at the gym, unless I can convince Fat Mike to join me. That's followed by Ninjutsu in the evening. Tuesdays and Thursdays will find me running the track with Kevin, also follwed by Ninjutsu. Wednesdays will probably see me at the gym lifting weights with Fat Mike, although I suspect he will try to lure me into something a bit sissier, like ice skating. Fridays and Saturdays I am at work, which allows me to take full advantage of their weight room, which is totally cool. Maybe I'll rest on Sundays. I think that would be pretty cool too.

As for getting image-hosting capability, I haven't tried in a few days, and I suspect that I will stop, what with the reality of car insurance demons interfeiring with my world. Maybe we will take a look in a month, and see if I can't get my finances organized enough. Or start selling drugs. I'm pretty sure that there's good money in that...

posted by Tay @ 3:30 AM

Seriously though, I don't know how anybody could bash this movie. It is phenomenal, save for a few minor flaws. These flaws are exhasperatingly obvious, and I have no idea why they remain in the final cut. I would be interested in hearing some director commentary on them in the inevitable DVD release. I'll take on these flaws one by one, and then get to why this movie is still fantastic. I will try to stay away from the philosphy behind the movie, as that stuff is for hippes, and gives me nausea.

First off: The rave/sex scene. It's like 10 minutes long. Why? It's pointless to drag it out so much. My theory is that the Wachowski's were pressured by the studio to throw a little bit of skin in the flick, at the threat of withdrawing some funding for the film. If such is the case, then whatever. That's just Hollywood for ya.

Next: The ghost twins. This is a minor beef really, but did the have to weild sissy switch blades? I realize that the directors probably wanted a little variety in the weapons weilded by different characters, but couldn't they have given the twins some knives with a bit more oomph? Maybe they could have LOTS, and they would just pull them out of nowhere? I think that would have been cooler.

Last of all: Dialogue. Why do some of the more intriguing characters have to talk in such a way that I am consistently annoyed by them? French guy spoke too much french, and the Architect used WAY too much latin for the common man to keep up. Once again, this is probably an attempt to establish some different character traits, rather than EVERYBODY in the movie being unflinching and fearless masters of their domains.

Other than these complaints, the movie bordered on perfection. Anybody who complains of CG overuse should be slapped. The story that is being told can't be done by conventional means. If Neo were forced to fight Smith, and a couple of stunt doubles that looked like him, I would have walked out. Of course the most annoying complaint that I keep hearing is that the ending was unsatisfactory. To that I say: bullshit. Has anybody ever seen Empire Strikes Back?

The two end exactly the same, almost. The empire/machines are about to crush all, the rebels have no hope whatsoever, Han/Morpheus are both in need of hope in the impossible, and Darth Vader/Smith is Luke/Neo's father. The only difference is that everybody complaining of the ending and can't make the Empire/Reloaded comparison, has already SEEN Return of the Jedi. They KNOW how it ends, and the suspense is gone. If the parallel continues, Neo will win back Morpheus' fate, duel with whichever force is needed to stop the madness, and solve the mystery once and for all. They will all then go out for ice cream, except for Trinity, who will have frozen yogurt.

This went on longer than I expected, so I'll conclude next post.

posted by Tay @ 1:42 AM

Well, it took me all day, but I managed to completely shrug off ALL of the things that I had for myself on the to-do list. On arelated note, have you people tried GunBound yet? It really is quite fun. It reminds me of the good old days of Scorched Earth, with a little bit of Korean flavouring. As a matter of fact, I'm gonna go play some right now before I have to get back to that essay of mine.

Also, before I end this post I AM trying to get picture uploading capability for this site, but each time I try, they claim that the server is down or some crap. But I am trying.

posted by Tay @ 5:51 PM

Man, oh man. Work sucked hard today, working at an office building with other people. Shiver. So boring and aggrivating, and the most fun I was able to have for myself was to jot down this hella-long to-do list, sprinkled with random thoughts, which I might as trancribe right now. I intended to just order the blogspot service that would finally allow me to host pictures, but those guys are busy, and want me to try again later. Otherwise, I'd just scan this list, and let you look at it yourself. So without further adieu, the crap that will keep me busy from now till kingdom come:

-Get picture hosting on blog-spot
-Destroy all country music
-Mix green tea with coke, mass market
-Resolve to eat healthy breakfast everyday
-Do some laundry
-Give high fives
-Practice ninjutsu with Phil
-Read some crap for an essay that's due first day of class
-Start stupid essay for stupid class
-Kind sand in Rick Santorum's dumb face
-Read Webcomics
-Curse lack of time in each day
-Have coffee with Phil and Fat Mike
-Surf the rest of the internet
-Scan and post this to-do list
-Try and draw a picture of Pac-Man, flipping out and cutting of Blinky's head with a really big knife
-Contact Jack of Jack in the Box fame, market Ninpo Burgers
-Check my head size, and compare it with national average. Too big?
-Make print ad for Ninpo Burgers using photoshop. Concept:Ninja w/burger in hand kicks Ronald McDonald in the face. Slogan: ???
-Make up slogan for Ninpo Burger print ads
-Get pimpin' something fierce
-Review: Are high-fives still cool? Check stats canada, also ask Jeeves
-Check out maybe getting tickets to see Gary Burns' new flick in October, attending Gala afterparty. Swankness?
-Find out what a gala is
-Is Cara a robot? Powers of sobriety after much alcohol suggest as much. Testing required
-Test: ask Cara to perform "the robot". Judge performance based on overall robot-ness.
-Course of action: If she isn't a robot, then she merely has mutant super-powers. If she IS a robot, then she can help me with my homework.

So, as you can see, I've got a lot on my plate. So much so that I have to go and get started RIGHT NOW.

posted by Tay @ 8:41 AM

Not that much to talk about today really. Blackalicious is comin' to town next week, and there's a few of us that are pretty excited about that. These guys are probably the smartest rappers alive, or at least the smartest rappers with a record deal. They're smart, and a lot of fun to listen to, so when they hit Tequila nightclub the day prior to school starting, we will be there.

What else can I say? I almost feel bad for having such a small post. Things post-Night Gallery have been pretty boring. All I've been doing is sleeping, working, and playing Soul Calibur II. At work, I've found that many hours can be killed playing stupid flash games. Some are good, some suck badly, and none can beat Trogdor.

posted by Tay @ 5:28 AM