Mantis Style!

Just a quick little post today. I forgot about my final exam in Canadian Studies, so I'll be doing that for the most part tonight, rather than dicking around all night on the internet for cool things that I can share with you.

Everybody loves movies, right? So why don't I let you check out a few cool trailers that I found. That Jet-Li movie has been out for a while, but I have no idea where I could find it for rental. As for that second trailer, I think that's the most I will ever see of that movie. And as for Hellboy, it's the first real non-Marvel superhero movie to come out since superhero movies became cool, so I have high hopes.

Webcomic Corner
Religious satire is always welcome with me, as is nihilistic violence. Men in Hats has both of these things. It's just come back from a long break, and now it's once again in full swing! Definitly worth a read.

posted by Tay @ 12:01 AM

Three cheers for the ending semester! I had a great time at the Whiskey last night, what with my $50 bar tab (upgraded to a $100 tab for next time, once again proving that it's all about who you know) and all. Met Lisa, Devon's cousin, who is very cool, much like Devon. Got a wicked hangover.

Let's get down to it. I got a rant, news, cool stuff, and a cool comic for ya.

I really hate hippies. Certain hippies have me so mad that I can't see straight. What the hell is wrong with buying things? Do you honestly think that you'll change the world by acting like you're better than everybody else? They might as well organize a "National Kick Your Boss in the Ass Day". The justification of their actions is even more annoying. The damn survey that they did is misrepresentational at best. I swear that if I had the money, I would buy the most expensive, gas-guzzling SUV I could find, and run over the first pinko bastard I catch not buying anything. Instead, as I am strapped for cash, there are two things that I will not buy: Adbusters crappy magazine, and their communist bullshit.

They think they know what "creative resistance" is, but I'd like to show those Adbuster crackmonkeys a little creative resistance myself.

When it comes to breakfast cereals, there's no reason to be uncreative. They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but there sure isn't much by way of variety.

Speaking of gluttony, I've always been a fan of overeating, as I have no problems with obesity. Not in the sense that I'm a fat slob with a positive self-esteem, but that I gots me a metabolism that just don't quit. The theory was that there was a portal in my stomach, where food would immediatly teleport out of my body, and land in some guy's back yard. But now we have the science to explain it all. I just think that it's nice to see William Perry back in the news. I mean, when was the last time you've seen him?

Concerning both breakfast AND science, here is an article claiming to have boiled down the deliciousness of toast into a formula of sorts. Hey Phil, is this thing for real?

I love a good prank. Nothing screams "fun" like the screaming of a coworker that's being mangled to death by gears. What a knee-slapper! Meanwhile, in Germany, some crazy kids are just dieing for a smoke. Those must've been some baggy pants.

Man, I never thought that I could lose respect for the Black Eyed Peas so quickly. I blame Fergie. As soon as she showed up, everything has started to go to the crapper. Elephunk is by far the worst album they have ever released, and this cartoon looks to continue the trend. Sigh. I liked them more before they sold out.

If you're interested in dodging the draft, here's an exhaustive report, although I'm pretty sure that it'd be a lot easier to do what every other draft-dodging hippy did for Vietnam, and just move to Nelson, BC.

Webcomic Corner
Try Monkey Business on for size. The jokes are funny, the art is solid, and it's generally a great time to be had by all. I would definitly recommend that you read this.

posted by Tay @ 11:26 PM

A rant, a little bit o' news, some really cool stuff, and then the comic thing. Yup, today looks like an ordinary post.

For today's rant, I would like to review the new Prince of Persia game from UbiSoft. To review the game in one word, I would have to say "awesome". To review it in eight words, I would probably say "slowest male strip-tease ever depictied in a video game". So yeah, awesome. UbiSoft is showing the tendency to be completely unfair with their competition when it comes to the games that they make. The first game that I can remember them doing is Splinter Cell, which took the stealth action genre, and rendered any further attempts at it to be inferior. They created the epitome of the genre, that has yet to be bested, and likely won't until the sequel is released.

Now we have Prince, which takes the platforming genre, and does the exact same thing. It simply renders all games of that genre, past and future, obsolete. I am actually worried about this, because the release of Ninja Gaiden is immanent, and I would hate to see my enjoyment of the original ninja to be lessened because of the enjoyment I had controlling some kind of Persian ninja. Let's not kid ourselves here: the guy ninja rolls, ninja runs (on walls), and ninja fights, all at al level that can only be described as perfection. The fighting is really the only part that I think can be improved, as it can get somewhat repetitive at times. The other 80% of the game, the actual platforming, is like a new language that is spoken with your body. Each acrobatic action that the prince performs is lik a new word in the dictionary, and as you go along in the game, you are compelled to create such sentences that are beyond beatiful. I have yet to beat the game, but I hear that the original version of the game is a reward. I can remember playing long and hard at that game when I was a youth. The feeling cultivated while playing the original is perfectly emulated in the update, and multiplied tenfold, while the frustration factor has been subtracted out of the equation altogether. Play this game, play it now.

In the news today, we got some article claiming that a particualr bank robber has employed the worst disguise ever. This is simply not true. Have you seen Adam Sandlers Halloween costume ideas? Pretty terrible stuff, if you ask me.

For this one to be really funny, just read the headline, and look at the picture. Don't actually read the article.

So KFC finally stopped with those ridiculous commercials, that depicted their fried chicken as being healthy. "But honey, if two pieces of chicken (skins removed) are healthier than a whopper, why did you bring home a twelve-piece bucket?"

Finally, Pepsi decides to make commercial decisions that aren't insanely racist. I guess that they learned their lesson after listening to Bill O' Reilly. (As for the logic students take on the interview, it's so riddled with false dillemmas and "slippery slope" fallacies that I don't even want to get into it.)

Speaking of Ludacris, I won tickets to the concert that going on Monday! I'm pretty excited, as the guy as my favorite rapper out there, mainstream or otherwise. Not paying is also a pretty cool deal. I drew names out of a hat, and Ryan got picked, so it should be a pretty awesome night.

Ever had something that you wanted to say, but those pop stars jsut sing it better? Well, you should check Let Them Sing It For You. Really funny stuff. Send me your coolest songs.

On the cuteness scale of 1-pasta, this here is fricken ravioli. It dissapoints me to know that 3-year old Korean girls have more motor skills than I could hope to achieve in my entire life.

Webcomic Corner
Ooh! I got a pretty one here. In keeping with the cuteness, you should check out Count Your Sheep. A fun, family friendly comic that should really be more recognized. It really is a breath of fresh air to find a comic that doesn't degrade itself with an overabundace of foul language. Read it, it's good for you.

Webcomic of Horror
Seeing as this will be the final Webcomic of Horror installment, I intend to go out with a bang. Check out Keenspot. All of these comics (save for 7) are the best of the worst that Keenspace can offer. They are all garbage. Terrible art, terrible stories, furry crap, these comics have them all in spades. As for the ones that are the exception to the rule, I've either already reviewed them here, or will be reviewing them shortly.

posted by Tay @ 11:05 PM

Alright, that's it. I give up. After nearly catastrophic results from intense slacking, I find that I simply have to get more free time. It pains me to say this, but I think that I've seen enough of the internet. All of it's craziness has proved to be very amusing, sometimes even educational, but my mission to see the entire internet is obviously foolhardy at best.

Still, I've gotten to see some pretty cool stuff. Allow me to share some more of it with you.

"Nobody's ever won "Moe's Drink a Gallon of Gin and Live" contest, and nobody ever will". The runners up are even lucky to survive. Ironically enough, the prize for winning was more booze.

My prayers to Buddhist Robo-zombie Santa have been answered! My only question is: How in hell do you fit 35 episodes into one season?

Okay, I think that if I've learned anything from my logic class, it's that you can't blame sucking at soccer on porn. It's a clear "false cause" argument, with a dash of ad vericundiam to boot. It's fun to use learning for evil!

"Hold on tight The Cheat! We're blasting off to tha mooooon!" Meanwhile, NASA is planning to go back. Crazy.

It's official! Despite what those crazy bumper stickers might say, people don't kill people, guns kill people. I would just like to state for the record that I still kill people too. But the 9th circut of American courts won't get to that for a while.

This is an interesting story. I'm actually surprised that the inmates didn't win more games than they did. I mean, what else is there to do in prison, besides work out and stab people? These Princeton guys, all they do is talk in latin with fake british accents and stuff. Or learn things, I forget which.

Homeless Dude 2: Homeless Dude Strikes Back! Seriously, this is why I hate the homeless, and support any laws that make life less appealing to them. They can snap at any time, and there's no real way to punish them! What are we going to do? Send them to prison? Yeah, I'm sure that the 3 meals a day and roof over their heads is a huge deterent. Sure, we are trying to fine them, but I'm not sure what they are expected to pay with. Perhaps their bag of cans? I support my friend Jones on the idea that we should have a "Homeless Hunting Season", and market it to big-business rednecks that can't take the time to go to the woods and hunt other animals. If I may suggest a couple of tools that might prove useful for the task. (side note: what the hell is up with the loser posing with that sword? Is he stuck in the matrix, or is he just the world's dumbest looking goth?)

(second side note: aren't all goths dumb? or is it possibly just the wiccans who suck?)

I love science. Unfortunatly, the article does not reveal the results of the experiment. Exactly how much milk is too much?

Webcomic Corner
Normally I don't care much for one-panel political cartoons, the type that you often find in your newspaper. I really don't like any newspaper comics really, except for bizzaro. But Gabe got to talkin' about them the other day, and it got me to searchin' for a good political cartoon, with a majority of Canadian content. And I found one! It's Filibuster Cartoons, and I like it. The best part about it is that if you don't understand the cartoon, he will explain it to you!

Webcomic of Horror
Here's a quick checklist that every webcartoonist should see.
Was you site made in frontpage, and does it make your readers eye's bleed?
Do you often use words like "buttcheese" as a substitute for actual punchlines?
Is it even really art, or just photos of your crappy toys that you cut and paste?
You got any of that furry art, with related erotic fiction?
Are you on Buzzcomix's top 7?
Congatulations! You are utter crap! On a related note, never go see Twisted Kaiju Theatre. You may never know happiness again.

posted by Tay @ 1:31 AM

Shorter post today, as I am busy with the school thang. You know how it is. Still, I promise lots of weird linky goodness, both weird and funny. Let's do this.

Oh snap! Now I have to switch from tea to cocoa! It's all good, it's just another reason for me to enjoy chocolate.

Universities be getting their Jihad on. I'll wait to see the spread before I put any money in THAT pool.

An example of art in Budapest. I myself don't know much about art, but I know what I like (dead people)!

Leave it to science to tell us what every gay disco has already known for years. Stupid scientists.

AK-47, the very best they is. When you absolutely, positivley need to kill every mother f****r in the room, accept no substitutes.

Wow, it's Kevin Smith! And he's doing stuff! Seriously, I think that this is his first TV appearance (outside of his Late Show gags) that hasn't been edited for content.

Webcomic Corner
I think I should give you something funny here. It would seem that I am at a loss however, so I'll give you something that USED to be funny. It's Mall Monkeys, and it used to be some pretty funny, if offensive stuff. Lately however, I find that it's just fallen off. What it's fallen off of, I have no idea, but you understand the concept.

Webcomic of Horror
There is nothing that pisses me off more than when a crappy comic is succesful. I bring you now to Real Life. Want to know how to keep a comic running 5 days a week for four years (to the day)? Use cut and paste art, never update your art style, and do the same damn joke for a whole week, using the same punchline, just different characters or locations. Simple as that! I loathe when consistency in mediocrity wins out over fantastic genious even if it is slightly erratic.

posted by Tay @ 10:36 PM

Today's post is not a happy post. It's not really a "where the hell do we keep the damn kleenex in this house" kind of post either, so don't worry.

I would urge all of you interested in my affairs to read this. Never mind that his own comic makes today's Webcomic of Horror, because he's right. He's right. That being said, I am not going to be posting any more comics until I feel that I'm actually ready. Which I'm not. When I DO start to post agian, I hope that it will be something that will not cause your eyes to bleed. And to think, I was going to make a sprite comic where my furry room mates were transported to an alternate dimension to sit on a couch and make pop-culture references. I am officially out of ideas.

To make up for the lack of art on the site, I will now triple the amount of cool things that will be found here. I am currently on a quest to see the entire interent, and I thought that I might show you some of the more interesting finds. Here we go!

If I had know that you can be sued for wishing cancer upon your enemies, I'd have stopped replying to my spam emails a long time ago. I just can't wait for one of them to reply.

Check it out! An ipod that I can finally afford!

One of the big problems of trying to surf the ENTIRE internet is that a lot of the really cool stuff isn't in english. For example, this game looks to have a lot of potential, as does this samurai movie.

I haven't seen crappy animation this good since The Cheat made that music video for Marzipan. If you ask me,the champagne bottle/glass scene is a bit lurid, in a purely metaphorical sense.

H.H. Holmes is the original dungeon master! His shit makes that old PS1 game look like crap.

What's funny about this is that they totally left out The Matrix.

Why are scientists working on crap like this when they should be developing me a newer, hotter pocket?

Christmas is coming! I don't want to give any ideas, because I really don't want anything for christmas.

I should try this sometime. It looks fun. My signature is weird enough as it is, and it's only been commented on once, by some chick who works in the mall.

I intend to construct this machine of God in Mac Hall, and use it to launch grapes at unsuspecting hippies. It will be awesome.

And finally, here is another experiment that I will be trying, likely in the summer, as such things are not conducive to my school schedule.

Webcomic Corner
I do have some arguments against the lead article in this update. For one, I think that some cut and paste strips can be funny. For example, Lost in Appleton is funny as hell. Consistently. I love looking at the fourth panel, and seeing how Brad's facial expression seems to be different then in the previous three. I would DEFINITLY reccomend this comic.

As for my hatred towards the previously linked Ghastly's Ghastly Comic, it really has nothing to do with the sub-par depictions of tentacle-rape pornography, which has been the limpest running gag (2 years and running!) ever. It's the fact that they use the same word twice in the title, which seems wholly unnecessary. Seriously though, the second comic was funny. Then hey did two more years of the same fucking joke, and it got a little tired. I hate keenspace.

posted by Tay @ 11:06 PM

Hey howdy! I'm at work right now, and I got a pizza on the way. It should be pretty good. I've had a huge pizza craving lately, which is weird. I've been scarfing down Boston Pizzas, Domino's Pizzas, Pizza Pops, you name it. The only problem is that pizza before sleep gives me really weird dreams. Same with mustard and pickles, but that's a whole other story.

I've got something to say, and I wouldn't mind at all if you listened.

I don't much care for the phone. Email is inbred with so many problems that it's used out of sheer social pressures. Instant messaging is cumbersome. One-on-one talking can be plain annoying. So with all these forms of communication that bother me, what would you guess is the one that I hold dearest to my heart?

The telegram.

Don't mess around with the telegram. It's serious about what it does. Just think for a minute, about how much better our lives would be history actually listened to it's unsent telegrams. There was this couple sitting by our crew at Mac Hall the other day, all makin' out like Armageddon was a comin'. It didn't, and they persisted to make out in our immediate vicinity. Now, I'm no prude, but that's just stupid. So, a telegram was sent. After glancing at it, the couple carried on like nothing had transpired! Blasphemy! Naturally, we sicked an angry Cara on the couple, and they ran off fearing for their lives. It didn't have to happen that way though, had they only heeded the telegram.

Webcomic Corner
A good webcomic for you guys to check out is Angel Moxie. It's kiddy, it's cute, and it's really well done. Start from the beginning and work your way from there. I can honestly say nothing bad about this comic.

Webcomic of Horror
When it comes to webcomics, and the internet in general, I suffer so that others don't have to. With my goal being to see the ENTIRE internet, you can imagine that I've seen some pretty ill shit. And I have. I've seen things that make you laugh, make you (not me) cry, and make you scratch your head.

My pizza just arrived. Philly Cheese Steak. Delicious.

Having said that, when it comes to the webcomics that I discuss in this feature, do not assume that I've merely glanced over them and passed judgement. I have consumed their entirety, plowed through teir mediocrity, and suffered through their horrors.

Never ever ever go to see Krakow. It is so terrible that I nearly vomited while crunching through the archives. Well, not really but it's bad.Same as El Goonish Shive, the comic is wrought with all sorts of the artists sexual shortcomings, and it plays out like some gothic-to-be kid's sexual fantasy. I mean, 4-nippled sucubus slaves and horny Nazi-women? What the hell man? I received word of this comic through a former friend of mine. Apperantly, this guy used to draw comics for the weekly campus newspaper at U of C. That's all the guy needs, encouragement. Way to go.

posted by Tay @ 12:50 AM

Man, this semester has caught up with me finally, and it's getting to be pretty harsh. The other night, I ended up actually studying. Shiver. This may or may not mean that the comic will be delayed until next week. What I really need is some kind of archiving tool to make looking at the comics less of a chore. Y'see that little link to your right that lets you email me? If you have any help to offer, then click it. I would be forever in your debt.

Matrix Review Spoiler Alert!
So, The Matrix. I'm really not sure what to say. When I left the theatre, I didn't like it. Then I thought about it for an hour or so, and I guess that I kinda liked it. Now I've thought about it some more, and I'm really not sure. Let's disect the movie in chronology, and see if we can't work out some kind of opinion.

Neo is in another matrix of sorts. We have this insanely deep conversation with some rogue-programs, which ends far too quickly, because Neo gets his ass handed to him by some heroin addict. Man do I hate the super-powered homeless. I liked this part. It was cool.

The rest of the kung-fu kids are trying to get Neo out of the jam he is in. This involves Morpheus topping his fantastic ninja-roll from the previous sequel, by flipping out and snapping some hapless dudes neck, disapearing in a cloud of smoke. Awesome.

Cut to: a gunfight with some guys who don't care much for gravity. That all well and good, but what good does being upside-down do, given such a low ceiling? Note to retarded upside-down guys: BULLETS CAN GO UP TOO, STUPID. This is hardly the greatest abuse of physics in the movie though. In fact, we see it right after this fight. I am of course talking about Monica Belucci's cleavage. Insane. Also, confusing is the toothpick of the Merovingian, which seems to have on it an infinite number of olives. For a guy with so much class, he sure can't seem to keep his mouth shut while eating. Also, how did the bouncers not turn away that homeless guy? You think for an all-powerful program, the Trainman could stand to dress up a little. Maybe a little like this? Whatever. They free Neo. All in all, a pretty cool section of the movie. We're still into some heavy philosophy, which was really the best part. Also, I thought that they handled the Oracle's change of appearance pretty well.

But now we're back in the real world, and things are starting to suck again. Badly. Neo and Trinity go for a joyride, and Morpheus and Niobe get in a pointless chase scene. Also, the machines breach Zion, and the only weapons that they can come up with is an infinite amount of bullets, some tazer guns, and a total of 6 rockets. What happened to EMP's? Can't you just make little ones, and shoot those? It's all good though, because the machines haven't really figured out explosives either, much less projectile wepons in general. This has to be the worst part of the movie, and it takes about 75% of our time. Super-lame. Baney McSmith wasn't too bad, but he never really did much, save for weld Neo's eyes shut. DOESN'T THAT HURT MAN? Naw, he's fine, it's only his eyeballs. Sure, they've prolly ruptured in his sockets, and would be oozing profusely were the holes not sealed with scalding hot metal, but it's nothing he can't shrug off.

So, Neo gets to the main machine, flips it off, and works out a deal for mankind. The war ends if Neo wins against the Smithettes. Fair enough. So Zion is saved. Cut to the cheeziest DBZ ripoff I've ever seen (I don't even want to talk about this. I'm sure that message board monkeys are warring it up right now.) and Smith ends up being his own doom. Umm, I have to guess that when Smith hacks Neo, Neo proves to be the stronger entity, and just blows them all up at the same time. So, the Matrix resets, and peace is brought throughout the land.

The Oracle and Architect work out a deal, Zion doesn't have another stupid naked rave scene, and Neo is dead in body but presumably still alive in the Matrix, to provide the chance for future video games, Christmas TV specials, etc. Which I guess is about as happy an ending as we could hope for. But it leaves some questions unanswered.

1. Why is Neo super-powered in the real world, supposedly the place where rationality is something that can't be broken? "Just 'cuz" says the Oracle. Ugh, c'mon. That doesn't make a lick of sense.

2. The machines just built a perfectly nice hole into Zion. Why not just drop a nuke in it, or use it as your landfill to piss them off? That would be pretty funny.

3. Monica Belucci's boobs. What the hell?

I guess that all in all, the film ended the way that it had to. I just wish that it didn't end, and that it was all as cool as the first movie was. I think that given the right editing, we could have had some awesome shit on our hands. For future reference Wachowski's: Don't call a movie The Matrix, and then only feature said Matrix for 20% of the movie. And buy Monica Beucci a sweater for Buddha's sake.
End Spoilers

Webcomic Corner
Check out Captain Ribman. He is everything that I hate about America, television, and pop-culture. Despite the lack of competent archiving tools, it's pretty fun to read.

Webcomic of Horror
Something new for this month. Each update, I will feature a webcomic that has either tainted my eyes with it awful art, stunted me with it's lack of content, or lessened my hope in the human race in some way. Believe me, there is no shortage of these styles of comics.

For the first Webcomic of Horror, I will suggest that you shield your eyes from the awfulness of El Goonish Shive. I don't even know where to begin. The art is standard, and the site is functional, but it's the content that kills me. We have sexually-confused teenage furry-freaks running around saving the world and switching sexes like an episode of Ranma 1/2 gone horribly awry. Anthropomorphic animal comics get an automatic axe in my book, but this goes even a step further by clearly displaying every other Freudian deficiancy thought possible. Of course the most horrifying thig about this comic is that, at the time of this posting, it is #2 on Top Web Comics. Disturbing.

posted by Tay @ 2:01 AM

Webcomic Corner
I can't believe that I forgot to do one of these this week. We have my second exception to the "no Sprite-based Comics Ever Ever Ever" rule. It's Kid Radd, and I am particularily fond of this little number. All the sprites are original, as well as animated. Pretty cool, if you ask me. The story takes a little time to get any momentum, but once it does, it's pretty fun. Lot's of great video-game based jokes.

posted by Tay @ 3:11 AM

So, the twice a week schedule didn't hold up. It was really doomed to fail from the start. Still, once a week isn't that bad really. I may or may not run a storyline that I drew last summer, which Mike scanned and then abandoned. It would help speed things up a little, to say the least.

Halloween was a blast. It's a shame Matt wasn't able to make it. I got drunk, Ryan got sick (as per usual), Adam got buck wild, and there were some of the craziest costumes I've ever seen.

I don't really have a rant, or anything cool to follow it up with. Sorry. It's been kind of a boring week. Right now I'm listening to the entire Beastie Boys Anthology to gain inspiration for next years Halloween costumes. We plan to get 9 people together, and do "The History of The Beastie Boys". 3 would dress like the "Sabotage" video, and slide across car hoods and yell into megaphones and 80's style cell phones. 3 would dress like the "Intergalactic" video, and break it down something fierce. And the other 3 would likely wear neon fuzzy jumpsuits, and do the "Alive" video theme. Failing that, I just wear a cheap wig, and get drunk. That to me sounds like a fantastic halloween.

posted by Tay @ 11:28 PM