Mantis Style!

Mission Accomplished

I've now read all of Chuck Palahniuk's fictional releases. There may be a magazine submission or something somewhere that I'm missing, but the hard stuff is done. It's really interesting to look back at the collection and think of some of the shared themes that the books have, such as:

-Self improvement through self-destruction (Fight Club, Invisible Monsters)
-City hopping/road trips (Fight Club, Invisible Monsters, Lullabye, Survivor)
-Therapy groups (Fight Club, Choke)
-Shitting your pants (Choke, Diary)
-Scamming your job/blackmailing corporations/basically getting free money (Freakin' all of them)

I'd be curious to hear from Ryan what he thinks the main theme of Diary was, or what the prevailing message or anything. As for me, I'm going to tackle the collective works of Douglas Adams, beyong HHGG. Speaking of which, I'm too excited for the movie.

posted by Tay @ 8:24 AM 1 comments

I Think That Ryan is Trying to Make Me Look Stupid

Or at least I thought he did until I read Cara's new blog. Is it super screwed-up for anybody else too? Like, all the lines of text overlap each other, making it impossible to read unless I copy/paste it into Word? I blame windows.

Anywho, after a quick google search into Stockholm's Syndrome, and a quick game of "what the hell is Ryan talking about?", I would have to say that yes, a robot chick with stockholm syndrome would be a pretty rad idea.

Not in real life though. Ryan, I think you owe the audience an explanation of where you're taking this. Otherwise it just sounds kinda creepy.

posted by Tay @ 6:20 AM 2 comments

This blows. None of the albums I planned to buy this week are offered on iTunes. Not Sweatshop Union, not Ben Folds, not DJ Z-Trip. This means I won't be able to get to a record store until Saturday at the earliest, by which time I'll be more focused on finding a computer.

Which reminds me. Phil, could you ask at the microstore if they're getting the new G5's with Tiger preinstalled? I'd appreciate it.

posted by Tay @ 6:38 PM 2 comments

The Filler Before the News

Huh, I guess Kyle wasn't lying after all. I just kinda assumed that Napoleon just made that crap up.

Also a must-see, I have recently discovered exactly how I will decorate my apartment when I eventually move out.

Stay tuned for album reviews either later today, but most likely tomorrow or later.

Adam, if you like Choke at all, I think that you should read Lullabye, likely the closest thing to a fantasy novel that I will be comfortable reading. Not only does it have spells and crap, but the anti-environmentalist themes are too delicious. I promise that there aren't any embarassingly awful sex-scenes in this one.

posted by Tay @ 7:47 AM 1 comments

I Got A Phone Call Today

A lady with a phone woke me up today. It was kinda funny. I think that her name was Survey Lady.

Survey Lady: Hello, is your name Taylor?
Me: Lucky guess. My turn. Is your name Sheryl?
SL: Um, no. I'm with (some kind of a survey company) doing research for the government concerning students who drop out of university before completing their degree. Do you have a couple of minutes?
Me: Do you have a catergory in your survey for students who drop out as a result of winning millions in the lottery?
SL: Ah, no. Did you really win the lottery?
Me: No, I just kinda want to fuck with your data.
SL: Pardon me?
Me: *sigh* Nevermind.
*click*

Really, I don't have much else to say. Did I remember to link you guys to 1-Dimensional Tetris?

Ooh, and you should also check out how well they did the whale-scene for the upcoming Hitchhiker movie.

posted by Tay @ 5:07 PM 9 comments

I Saw A Movie That I Kinda Liked

Please don't bother guessing. Sin City was pretty good on the whole, I thought. Yeah, the acting was bad, bad like having a .22 aimed at your crotch while your wife just won't stop crying and maybe you're being robbed or something. But that's what cheesy film noir is in part, right? The visuals were killer, but that goes without saying. Also, Frodo extends his acting talents away from Swords n' Horses movies, playing the creepiest ninja ever.

Tuesday has come and gone, and with it Martha Wainright's first album. I bought it, hoping that Rufus' kid sister would be able to recapture the playful wit of big brother's Poses. She doesn't. No, instead it's just a talented singer with minimalist back-up bearing her soul with her melodic songs. BOOOOOORING!!!! At least she has the talent to deserve an album, unlike a certain other popstar I'd rather not mention. I wonder how it went...

Certain Unmentioned Popstar: Mooooom!!! I want to do an album and a reality show! Jessica got to have an album and a reality show, why can't I?!

Certain Unmentioned Popstar's Mom: Because, we can't afford the plastic surgery to cover your insanely large honker. Oh yeah and also you can't sing for shit.

CUP: You don't understand! You all understand! Er, I mean, don't understand. I'm gonna be sure to write a song about how nobody understands me!

At least albums on iTunes are hella cheap. Granted, I took a gamble with this one, but I sure as hell wasn't going to buy the new Garbage. Live and learn.

posted by Tay @ 7:46 AM 0 comments

What The Hell Is Up With Back To The Future?

Before Ryan tells you his candy-ass version of the story, I thought that I might let you fellows in on the little conversation he and I had last night.

Me: Hello?
Ryan: Hey, it's that guy Ryan. I am being forced to call you.
Me: I'm sorry to hear that. Perhaps-
Ryan: Listen asshole, it's time to throw down. I'm tired of your Ninpo Burgers ruling the barbeque season. This Saturday, it's on.
Me: Correct me if I'm wrong but are you asking for a challenge?

Okay, so that may be a slight exagerration, save for the conversation's opening. The gist is clear however: a friendly challenge has been made, and on Saturday you will see me and Ryan with our best offerings of meat from a barbeque. In all seriousness, I am not offended by this challenge to my barbeque supremacy, in fact quite the opposite. I am hoping that Ryan sees fit to push the boundries, and bring some innovation to the table. I can't think of anybody else that I'd rather lose to. Having said that, I do not intend to make this an easy feat for him.

Little does Ryan suspect that I have a secret weapon on my side this time, something he will not be expecting. I am going to go upside his face with flavours.

posted by Tay @ 5:49 AM 15 comments

Dammit People

So I guess some stupid record company thought that it would be a good idea to put copy control crap on the new Kasabian album. I would just like to state that it is indeed not a good idea, as now I can't listen to the damned thing. Obviously there's a way around this for people who know things about this. Does anybody know things about this?

I'm sure that this is a super rad album, except that the copy controls make it sound like it's being played on a broken record player, all screwy and chopped up. I also bought Bloc Party's Silent Alarm, Louis XIV's The Best Little Secrets are Kept, and The Mars Volta's Frances the Mute. I'm sure if you read Ryans site I need not review the latter. Actually, I'm so pissed of by this whole copy control thing that I don't think I'll review any of them. I'm gonna go play the new Splinter Cell and put the Chokie Roberts on some unsuspecting losers.

Also, for 50 points Ryan, The RZA goes by the moniker of Bobby Digital. Do I get any bonus points for not having to use Google? I think that some kind of honour system will have to be in place for these things.

posted by Tay @ 10:49 PM 6 comments

Music Journalism is Dead

I bought the new Verve Remix album the other day. I know that I've made fun of it's previous iterations before, but I am generally impressed with this offering. My main problem with the series still stands, in that it is a collective circle-jerk over the graves of Billie Holiday and Nina Simone. What makes this album different though is that amatuer hour is now over. Real talent has been signed on, from Diplo to The Album Leaf. If I had one other real complaint with the album, it would be that RJD2's contribution was fairly uninspired. I imagine the conversation went something like this:

Record Label Executive: Hey RJD2, you always use samples that are old as dirt in your songs. Wanna help us out?

RJD2: No.

RLE: Please?

RJD2: Think green mother bitches.

RLE: Right, money. Look, we kind of blew our whole budget signing The Postal Service onto the project. I guess Benjamin Gibbard thinks that he's hot shit now that he's going to be on The OC. What will you do for $500?

RJD2: I will open up ProTools, take a song I made 3 years ago, and remove all distortion and pitch modification effects. Also, if you have any gum on you, I can screw with the drum line a little.

RLE: DEAL!

posted by Tay @ 12:49 PM 6 comments

I bought the new RBF and Hot Hot Heat CDs today and they're awesome but that's not what I want to talk about.

I want to talk about The OC. Before you get your hopes up Adam, let me be specific: I want to talk about how much The OC sucks. The "Beck-isode" was bad enough. Now, reading the paper today, I discover that the oft-mentioned Death Cab for Cutie will actually be making an appearance. In the record shop just now, I see that the new soundtrack album is out, featuring artists like The Futureheads, Modest Mouse, and Aqueduct. It's all lead me to write a quick memo to producers of teen soap operas.

Dear Producers of Teen Soap Operas,
Stop raping good music. Thanks!

What do you think that you're accomplishing? In the record store, I saw a 14 year old girl pick up the album, look at the back, give an ugly sneer, and put it back on the shelf. The fact is that your show's target demographic would be just as easily opiated by songs were rappers bark out the orders for their latest dance move, be it back-leaning or head-tilting or what have you.

I realize that this is probably petty, but it pisses me off that I spend money and effort to discover and enjoy good music, and some two-bit rube who just wants to see hot chicks make out on prime-time can be the next Johnny-Come-Lately to say that he digs AC Newman.

Don't get me wrong here, I'm not saying that all TV shows should revert back to just playing Jann Arden when the main characters kiss. Scrubs is a perfect example: It's smart, funny, and not too serious. There's nothing I love more than watching an episode of that and hearing a classic Hawksley Workman tune come on. It just bugs me that a show about Rich White Kids Who Somehow Still Have Problems can think that it's cool enough to compete.

I think that my point is that retarded kids who don't care either way deserve to keep listening to Nelly and Maroon 5. I don't think that they deserve to listen to good music. Hopefully any discussion that this brings up has little to do with plot summaries or debates revolving any retarded TV shows.

posted by Tay @ 5:27 PM 9 comments

Okay, so browsing the iTunes music store lately has been great now that the credit card is back and working. I got the new single from The Hot Hot Heat's upcoming album, Island of the Honest Man. It's great, has a much more refined sound than their previous works. I also bought a new single from The Postal Service, Be Still My Heart. It's a remix and really good to. I also discovered that Stars had been nominated for a Juno. I think the awards might have been yesterday, so I'm going to have to read up on it. In case you didn't know, and you probably didn't: Stars is an incredible indie pop act. Are they on the radio? God I hope they're not on the radio. I've been listening to a leak of their new album for months now (Set Yourself on Fire), and bought their older album (Heart) at Megatunes on Friday.

Weezer has a new album coming out next month. Also, Reel Big Fish's new shit drops tomorrow. I'll let you know how it is.

posted by Tay @ 6:18 PM 0 comments

I Said "Boo-Ya" Today

They say that revenge is a dish best served cold, but I would like to add that vigilante justice should be served medium rare with a healthy supply of barbeque sauce. Please allow me to explain.

At work last night, I was doing my rounds in an office building. The building has a patio on the roof of the second floor, complete with barbeque. Whilst doing my patrol, I found some kids who were smoking in the stairwell, and I chased them onto the roof. They jumped off (it was only a 12 foot drop onto grass), while I surveyed the scene. It turns out the little punks had the barbeque going full blast, and there was a couple of steaks on the grill, with barbeque sauce and all. I politly asked if they would mind telling me what the hell was going on.

"Listen man, if you let us have our steaks, you'll never see us again."

But I had a better idea. They would not get their steaks, and instead walk away like losers. After telling them so, I went to turn off the barbeque and throw out the food. As I was doing this, I could hear one of the kids scrambling up the wall, thinking that I had left so he could reclaim his dinner. I remember seeing something like this in a movie (100 points for a correct guess). So I walked up to the wall and said hello.

"Listen, can we just get our food?"

Sure, here's your barbeque sauce. So I flicked open the lid, and doused the little brat with it. So he falls off the wall and starts cussing, and his friend joins in. It's cool though, because I was able to snipe that punk between the eyes from 10 yards with a hot t-bone. It was too perfect. If you want fun, chuck meat products frisbee-style as hard as you can into somebody's face and knock them on their ass.

Let it never be said that I can't take pride in my work.

posted by Tay @ 8:54 AM 5 comments