Mantis Style!

I am Drinking the World's Shittiest Martini

Shit vodka, shit vermouth, even shit olives. It's all bad, but god do I need it. Let me start this story by saying that my car has never been cleaner than when I first bought it.

The reason for that is because I had to vaccuum out the mountain of broken glass that used to be my passenger-side window. I had parked it downtown on a street where I would think this sort of thing would be noticed. Completely oblivious to the obvious danger my car was in, I skipped merrily to Steven Ave, where I had a delicious falafel with a hot girl. Good times. Upon returning to the car to drive her home, I exclaimed my joy at finding my car untowed (which I always do). However, upon closer inspection, the passenger side window is completely smashed, with 90% of the glass finding it's way inside my car. Fun.

First instincts are funny. For example, my first instincts in this case were 1)make sure the iPod is still there (it was). 2) Dig in the mess with my bare hands to clear a seat for my lady-friend. For future reference, this is a bad idea. After discovering that I was bleeding quite a bit from my efforts, I found a pair of winter gloves to complete my mission. You can't hug your date goodnight when you're blood is trickling to your elbows, which dissapointed me a fair bit.

So now I have to finish packing and deal with this crap. I'm not even mad, I'm barely annoyed even. I'm 2 1/2oz confuzed, 1/4oz frustrated, with an annoyed garnish. The iPod was sitting right on the passenger seat. Why wouldn't they take it? It's the pointlessness of it all that bugs me, really. At the very least, I was able to keep my composure fairly well during the whole ordeal, so I may have a chance to call hot girl up again, unless the blood thing really freaked her out. We'll see. Me? I'ma get me a refill on my martini. I need something that I can feel shitty about, because this whole situation isn't emotionally satisfying enough.

posted by Tay @ 10:49 PM 2 comments

Sellout Roundup

I couldn't believe it, watching the television the other day. Iron and Wine was selling M&Ms in a blatant ripoff of Frutopia's psychadelic style. What the hell is up with that? Ben Gibbard, I could see pushing M&Ms. But Sam Beam? Say it ain't so. Citizen Cope is selling Saturns now too. For those of you not familiar with the band, think G Love and the Special Sauce doing R&B instead of white blues. It's good, but completely inappropriate for a car commercial. Let the Crystal Method sell crappy luxury sedans. I also caught Gift of Gab selling both Lime Coke and C-Plus soft drinks. No comment.

Oh, and a big Happy Birthday goes out to Adam. Sorry I couldn't make the party, but I gotta make that money. Maybe I should write a song about cellulite cream and sell it to Ben Gibbard for commission.

posted by Tay @ 3:13 PM 2 comments

I don't normally do these, but this one hit a bit close to home...

Si... Silicon You scored 44 Mass, 39 Electronegativity, 34 Metal, and 20 Radioactivity!

Interesting. Take a bunch of really common person-elements and throw them together to get something truely exceptional... that's you. You are probably someone that gave up on trying to understand society at large a long time ago. You don't fear it, but you don't try to be one with it either. You are more or less unperturbed by things... if a problem comes up you might deal with it, or you might avoid it... whatever. You don't take kindly to people pushing you around, and you don't really push anyone else around. You're probably the only one that can tame oxygen simply because you don't understand it's raging neediness, but that doesn't mean that you'll really enjoy having a tame oxygen hanging around all that much either. You can probably get along with people like yourself really well, but you aren't your own soulmate... if only they could make entire colonies of people like you you'd be stoked. Just like you don't understand society, society doesn't understand you... and yes that is my excuse for not knowing how to describe you better.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 67% on Mass You scored higher than 71% on Electroneg You scored higher than 12% on Metal You scored higher than 76% on Radioactivity

Link: The Which Chemical Element Am I Test written by effataigus on Ok Cupid

posted by Tay @ 4:39 AM 2 comments

Kinda Like This



Feel free to post colour comments and/or suggestions. This could be fun. Like HGTV, except with drama majors instead of actual homosexuals. Fun!

posted by Tay @ 4:06 AM 5 comments

I Saw a House Today

It's been a good day. We (Myself, Tina, Heather, Fat Mike) did a walkthrough of the house. I am very impressed. There will need to be some kind of a fight over who gets what room. And what colour to paint the living room. Ch-Check it out:



If you ask me, the green is fine, but I would pair it up with a purple instead of a pink. It's funky, but it's not too girly.

posted by Tay @ 11:36 PM 2 comments

I would like to withdraw my previous accusation against Fat Mike, wherein I stated that he had moved us to the back alley of a porn store. Armed with an actualy address to scope out, I now find that our abode is situated on the southern, more convinient side of 16th ave. In fact, we are right beside a coffee shop, a classy-looking liquor store, and a Pizza 73. Radness.

Really, the only way I can describe this house is thus: It's the kind of house that you would live with Fat Mike in it. It looks pretty nice on the outside, although the lawn is a bitty ratty. Hopefully the dude will follow through and schedule a walk-through for the inside, so I can see if it hella sucks or not. I am being led to believe that it will not hella suck.

On a different note, Jon had alerted me to a fun way to make cheap booze good. While this may be a great idea in the USA, here in Alberta our booze is taxed such that I would likely spend more on cheap vodka/Brita filters than I would on a bottle of Grey Goose or Ketel One. Probably. However, I am definitly intrigued by the other types of fun that could be had with vodka, such as making your own schnapps. That sounds like a booze-related hobby that wouldn't take up as much precious real estate as the wine business does. We'll have to see.

posted by Tay @ 7:35 AM 0 comments

I Took a Drive Today

Basically Fat Mike found us a house. He calls me and tells me about how it's so great and blah blah blah. And while I may believe him about the house, it's location is a bit suspect. I took a drive through the neighboorhood, and while I'm not sure of the exact address of the house, it would seem to be about 50 feet away from a porn store. I'm hoping that Fat Mike will come back from his camping trip soon and tell me that I'm dead wrong, and that I totally screwed up on finding the general location of this house. I don't want to be That Guy Who Lives By The Porn Store. Not particularily. I'll be an insensitive jerk and keep you guys abreast of the situation.

posted by Tay @ 11:07 PM 7 comments

Here's a tip for drinking those god-awful not-girly martinis that guys are expected to enjoy: Make sure that they have olives included. Not only do you get a nice snack, but their flavour takes a bit of the kick out of pure alcohol. And that's one to grow on! Or if you prefer: Now you know, and knowing's half the battle! It's hard to tell which childhood cartoon PSA catchphrase my audience would be more accustomed to.

posted by Tay @ 10:14 PM 3 comments

Some Podcasts are Fun, Some Make You Want to Commit The Suicide

The CBC Radio 3 podcast is fun. You hear cool music and generally enjoy yourself.

The Queer Eye for the Straight Guy Quick Tips podcast makes me want to commit the suicide. You hear interesting rich people detail for you why you do not deserve to be loved. Ever. At least I was able to appease the gods of homosexuality by blowing a wad of cash at Aldo on completely impractical shoes. I think I now truly understand how women feel after reading Cosmo, or whatever it is that tells them they're fat.

Yeah, that's not what I needed right now. What I need right now is a soda.

posted by Tay @ 9:54 AM 3 comments

I Bought Some Big Boy Shoes Today

I've gotta say, this has been a pretty rad birthday. Mostly due to you guys. Open Sesame was great as always, and Viscious Circle was fun fun times. I was having a problem finding martinis that sounded manly enough that I wouldn't be embarrased to order them, yet tasty enough that I wouldn't gag in front of a girl. I think that if last night is any indication, the most important thing to keep in mind when trying to not embarrass myself over martinis is to only have one or two. Twelve, or however many I slugged back, is far to many. So there's that.

I still need to get to Megatunes to use my brother's gift certificate, but that hasn't stopped me from buying albums with birthday money. I've embraced my feminine side and purchaseed Esthero's Wikked Lil' Grrrls, and it's awesome. The production values blew me away, and I don't think I mind the spoken word stuff as much as Ryan did. Like Esthero herself, this is one hella sexy album.

I also picked up the new Buck 65, Secret House Against The World, which is weirder than anything else he's ever put out. I think it's the hip-hop album that Johnny Cash never made. I'm digging it more with each additional listen.

Also new are two Clash-esque brit rock bands I picked up, and I am enjoying thoroughly. Maximo Park's A Certain Trigger, and The Dead 60's self titled are interesting takes on the Clash sound. Maximo sounds more like a combination of Joe Strummer/company and Bloc Party, where The Dead 60's rock the casbah with the tones of The Futureheads, minus the four-part harmonies which I find so delicious.

Had I bought these albums earlier, I would have likely used tracks from them on my greatest rock mix ever. Kyle and Fat Mike were lucky enough to recieve copies over dinner last night, but I thought I might share it's contents with the rest of you. I really am proud of this mix.



Third from the bottom is The All Girl Summer Fun Band. Their name is far too long. They're going to have to fix that. Anyways, I just want to thank everybody for making my birthday such a great one, and I'll see you guys later.

posted by Tay @ 4:32 PM 6 comments

Kill Yr Idols

I love it when kids wage war on television and celebrities. From hacking Paris Hilton's phone, to squirting Tom Cruise whilst he walks down the red carpet, this is the shit that I love to hear about. There is apperantly another war going on as well though: the war against insipid local news. Newsbreakers make it their personal mission to interupt any pointless live broadcast that they can find. Be it a victemless housefire or personal tragedy story, these guys are on it. The best part? Cheese Ninja. Enjoy.

posted by Tay @ 7:30 AM 4 comments

Rooftop'd!!!

Oh man, but work last night was fricken' great. Upon patrolling the same rooftop as the steak incedent, I came upon a party of four teenage girls. They had broken in to get to the roof to smoke some drugs or something, I'm not really sure. The best part was that with the new dual-sided locks on the door that were installed as retaliation to the last incedent, they were stuck on the roof. So after telling them to piss off (in as many words), we all started for the door to leave. On the way, one of them gets mouthy the way only a teenage girl can, which was pretty annoying. So instead of letting them leave, I locked them up on the roof, went around the building, and said that I will be a good sport, and give them a good 30 seconds to jump off of the roof and run before I call the cops. Seeing my phone stuck to the side of my face, they got real scared and actually jumped. I think one of them twisted her ankle, but it didn't stop them from running.

best. birthday. ever.

posted by Tay @ 7:21 AM 9 comments

So I Guess It Is My Birthday Again

I'm 22 now, and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I don't think it's as cool as being 21, but maybe I haven't given it a fair enough shake yet. For fun, let's list the stuff that I've received as gifts so far.

1) A gift certificate to Megatunes from my older brother. Instead of wasting it on some random album that will likely be crap, I think I'm going to get something from The Polyphonic Spree. That sounds like the kind of music you should play on a birthday, or the second coming of Christ. But seeing as how the latter isn't likely to happen (that's right, I went there), I'll just play it at regular parties.

2) An $89 radar ticket. Gee, thanks boss.

Yessir, being older just keeps getting better and better. See you guys on Sunday.

posted by Tay @ 7:46 AM 1 comments