Sunday, October 24, 2004

Whenever people ask me what I'm afraid of, it always reminds me of the old saying that people are afraid of what they can't understand. I've always found that to be bullshit, because if it were true, then I would be deathly frightened of women, children, and quantum physics. Of course, that's not the case, but it's what I will tell you every single time you ask me that question. I just think that it's a pretty funny joke.

What really freaks the shit out of me is epistemology. If you don't know what that means, look it up. I'm not a freakin' dictionary. It seems like a harmless enough concept at first, but it can get really weird, really fast. Last night I was trying to sleep, and my hair flinched a bit. You know how that happens.
Oh shit, is there a bug in my hair?
So I brush your hand through my hair. But then doubt sets in.
What if it IS a bug, and comes back? What if I don't feel it tring to burrow into my skull this time? What if it's NOT a bug?
That's when I get scared right there.

I've never understood horror/slasher movies. They try to make the wrong parts scary. You know how when the frightened girl locks herself in whatever room, and looks it up and down, making sure that it's free of whatever nightmarish protagonist is puruing her? And just as she's starting to feel safe, she turns around and whatever was chasing her is right in her fucking face? Yeah whatever, maybe it's got claws and looks gross, but that's not scary to me. What's scary to me is that she couldn't fucking see the damn thing, when it was just off-camera the entire time. What if our entire lives are spent walking past things that would melt our brains with horror at the mere acknowledgement of their existence, but we just can't see them? Epistemology clearly proves that it's not impossible, and that fucking scares me.

Also: papercuts. They give me the willies. To conclude this topic of fear, I would just like to send a big "fuck you" to HP Lovecraft, and Eternal Darkness for the GameCube. I probably won't sleep much tonight either.

It's true what I said earlier, I don't understand women, children, or quantum physics. The latter two don't bother me so much, they aren't exactly pertinent topics in my life. Women howver, drive me fucking insane. There are certain things that I can undersatand about them, but I can't understand why these things are to be understood. Confused? Ah, but such is the nature of this creature. Take an example.

I asked Adrianne out for this weekend. I wanted to see her, and she had said that she wanted to see me, in as many words. Perfect. She calls me in the afternoon (at the same time I was dialing her number to call her, the fifth time this has happened since meeting her, but I digress) to inquire as to what plans I had for the night. I thought dinner and a movie would be a fine idea, the new I Heart Huckabees film looks to be worth watching. She says no, she doesn't feel like that much sitting around.

That's fine, a perfectly good excuse not to see a movie. Keep thinking.

How about bowling? We've certainly had fun doing that. No, she says. We did that last time, remember?

She's right, I certainly don't want to come off as being in a routine. Keep thinking.

And so I spilled my very brain out, suggesting every single date-like activity that could possibly exist within city limits. Each suggestion was declined almost immediatly. This was not a bargaining situation. I even went so far as to challenge her to a foot race around her block, thinking that it might be funny if one of us slipped on the ice and cracked our head open.

Okay, so maybe it wouldn't be that funny, but she is fucking baiting me here, I know it. I am completely out of options. I have to ask her...

What would you like to do? Regret set in instantly, and compounded with each additional word in the sentence. If there is one thing I have learned, it is that you must never, ever ask a woman to justify her thoughts, beliefs or feelings; and simply asking what she wants is just a stones throw away. What I am asking for is trouble.

Immediatly the conversation shut down, and in the end we never went out at all that day. On the up side, I got to watch cartoons, and play video games with Ryan, Kyle, and Jon. That was pretty cool. It was certainly better than smashing my head against things, which I would have likely ended up doing otherwise.

Wow, this went long. Maybe I should have split this into two posts over a week or so. Well, it's all typed now, so whatever. I'm done.

Right after I tell you all that William Shatner's new album is the most brilliant and artistically honest recording I've ever heard, and that Ryan may very well be retarded for not seeing the beauty in it.


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