Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Wakka-chikka wakka-chikka

Let's talk about Advent Children. After having seen a majority of it (sans subtitles, unfortunatly), I can proudly say that the film exists as little more than eye-candy for fans of the original Playstation. That's not a bad thing, because as far as eye-candy and fanservice goes, this borders on the pornographic. Everything is glossy and perfect, the music is poorly edited in places, the camera angles are outrageous, and there's big hair all over the place.

Seriously though, this is some fucking beautiful shit. Following a fight scene with Tifa in the church, I had to turn to Mike to say:

"I've got wood."

The action is way to tight to catch it all in one sitting. You will need to get up to shit your pants on several occasions. I think that my favorite part of the movie is how they try to translate the game into a cinematic experience. So much cool stuff happened in the game, but given the turn-based nature of it all, it's hard to imagine how many of the spells and moves would work in a real-time setting. Also, the filmakers didn't forget that the characters are fucking indestructible. They have not forgotten that a bullet to the forhead only costs about 500 hp.

My favorite scene so far: The bahamut gangbang. But maybe now I've said too much. If you need a copy of this movie (read: you NEED a copy of this movie), I'll be burning DVDs. Get in line.

8 Comments:

At 8:22 AM, Blogger Man of the Century said...

Only the graphics and fight scenes were any good, everything else sucked. It's a good thing that fight scenes were like 90% of the movie.

 
At 11:02 AM, Blogger Matthew Thompson said...

please bring me a dvd when you come meet me at the U today. or else i will sick my uglydog on you. (literal use of uglydog and not innuendo)

 
At 12:04 PM, Blogger jon said...

Terrible terrible movie. Nice eye candy, but that was about it. I couldn't wait for it to end by the halfway point, it was so boring.

The action was good, but over the years CG has become less and less impressive to me, because you can do anything in CG. Like have Cloud get thrown, by several different characters in midair no less, up a skyscraper, bust through a Giga Flare (my memory of FF summons is a bit shaky, I think that was what it was called) and beat the snot out of Bahamut. Nice one, Square. That wasn't retarded at ALL.

They should have left the FFVII storyline alone. Ugh.

Also, WHERE WAS KNIGHTS OF THE ROUND? WTF SQUARE

 
At 1:30 PM, Blogger Tay said...

I think you guys might be missing the point. This isn't meant to be taken seriously. This is meant as a complete fanservice to people who played FFVII over 8 years ago. Short of a Tifa panty-shot, I think they accomplished that.

True, there was no Knights of the Round, but that summon took 5 minutes in the game. They'd have had to stretch it out to at least 8.

 
At 3:29 PM, Blogger jon said...

No, I got the point. It doesn't change the fact that it was a terrible movie.

 
At 6:48 PM, Blogger The Man In Japan said...

This wasn't a movie. It was a marketing ploy for square to get people pumped about the new FFVII "spin-off" titles coming down the pipe. It was to get people who never played FFVII or the new cellphone games here in Japan to "catch-up" with the storyline. Its also a showpiece for their CG studio.

That being said, I loved it. I don't know about the rest of you, but when I played FFVII and Cloud had to let Aerith (Aeris) go into that lake, a tear swelled up in my eye. That music still makes me feel all mushy inside.

Speaking of which, the music was fucking awesome. I loved all the cinematic remixes of Nobuo's original themes. Very slick. I do agree with the editing quip tho. It could have been better.

But the camera angles chosen are what makes the action scenes so much fun to watch. And if you're going to complain about realism, never watch any CG film ever. You'll just be disappointed.

The story line for the title, just in case you didn't know, was not a re-telling of the game. Its a sequel. And if you need a translation I can send you the subtitle file I used. That way you can add it to the video file before you burn a DVD without 'em.

 
At 3:58 PM, Blogger Cara-bellum said...

THAT'S what boys get emotional about?!?!? Cartoons drowning in lakes???? I wouldn't believe it even if you told me. Which you all just did.

More importantly, Matthew has an uglydog? Since when?

 
At 9:10 PM, Blogger Tay said...

U'm it's not a real ugly dog, it's actually not even a real dog. It's a stuffed keychain charm, that looks like a 3 year old's depiction of an ugly dog. It's kind of cute.

 

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