Thursday, July 06, 2006

Basically Some Stuff

So the new job seems to be working out well. I won't lie to you, if it weren't for the benefits I wouldn't touch this job. However, when it rains it pours! Full health care package? Sure! Free gym on site? Yes please. Profit sharing? Surely you jest! And that's just scratching the surface. Besides, it's kind of a thrill to have to actually work for a living. Sitting on my ass and getting paid for it is old hat. I'm looking forward to man hands, the calloused trophies that can only come with doing something with your life.

What else is new? Well, my birthday came and went, thankfully in a quiet and dignified manner. As much as I want to ignore it's passing, I did get a couple of nice gifts to mark the occasion. First up was a lawnmower, a tool of which I was in desperate need of. In navigating through the dense flora of our backyard, I took special care to leave Adam's "jungle oasis" relatively intact.

An unexpected gift came to me that day as well. It was something that I had been dreaming about for months prior, and frankly it's the best gift a boy could get for his birthday. Heather left. She's gone. She paid her rent for July, and then split. All her tacky Ikea furniture is but a memory, and the ear-splitting sound of her dragging her long nails across her legs while she sobbed quietly to herself as she checked her email is now replaced with a sweet silence. As cliche as this may have already become, I would like to mark her departure with a haiku.

Listen up you slob:
Don't let the door hit your ass
On the way out, bitch.


I apologize if that's a bit crude, but "histrionic personality disorder" is just far too many syllables.

In news concerning dilectable digestables, a new sushi restaurant opened up right next to Shwarma Sam's in Kensington. While serving what can only be considered "standard fare", they also have some very clever-looking sushi rolls, as can be witnessed here. While I in no way condone such blatantly Californian culinary cockery, it was at least a feast for the eyes. I need to be carrying my actual camera around more often, camera phones are shit.

For no reason whatsoever, I choose to end this post with a list of unusual sex terms. At best, this could lead to some imaginative innuendo.

8 Comments:

At 10:16 AM, Blogger Tay said...

As a side note, I think that "Dilectable Digestables" would be a great name for a restaurant. Or a dog food. Either one would be cool with me, really.

 
At 3:20 PM, Blogger Man of the Century said...

Did you see the birthday message Fat Mike and I left you? It said "Happy Birthday" I think.

 
At 5:02 PM, Blogger Tay said...

I did, and thanks are indeed in order.

 
At 5:09 PM, Blogger Man of the Century said...

Thanks? All I did was write "and Ryan". If you wanna thank anyone thank Mike.

 
At 10:00 AM, Blogger jon said...

I don't see 'Teaching English' on that list of sex terms, what gives?

 
At 12:23 PM, Blogger Tay said...

"Teaching English" is a euphamism? Does Mike know this?

 
At 9:57 PM, Blogger The Man In Japan said...

It sure as hell is! Everyone knows about "Private Study". Typically when you're talking to other teachers here, sometimes people ask "So...you got any privates?"

 
At 12:33 PM, Blogger K-MAC said...

So, I glanced down this list very quickly, and in those few seconds, I came across this:

AVISODOMY

Now I'm not going to define it, you can look it up yourself. Suffice it to say, I weep for the world.

 

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